In today’s fast-paced, plugged-in world, stress is an unwelcome companion that often follows us home. When we’re constantly focused on the future and achieving our goals, it can be hard to remain present—which can really throw a wrench into your sex life. Think about it: When you’re in the thick of projects at work, can’t let go of a negative conversation you had with a client, or are stuck in the middle of solving a particularly sizeable problem, getting into a mindset where you feel vulnerable, open, and sexy is likely the last thing you want to do. 

Science has found that when you’re pursuing achievements, the pleasure centers of your brain turn off. This makes you more focused on getting things down and less focused on feeling good and being present. While this is good news for reaching your goals, finding a healthy balance means making space for connection, intimacy, and pleasure. Here’s how to leave stress at the office so you can fully indulge in the bedroom. 

3 Ways to Create a Pleasure Habit

Intimacy requires positive habit building, as unsexy as that may sound. Whether these tips lead you to the bedroom or simply to spending more quality time with your partner, remember that the goal is to connect, find joy, and feel safe together—without the stress of work hampering your pleasure. 

Develop a Routine

A relaxation routine separates the workday from intimate time with your partner. It could be a five-minute meditation, listening to relaxing music on your drive home, or changing your clothes and washing your face. Your routine will signal to your body that work is over and now it’s time to be present with your partner. 

Brain Dump

It’s so hard to turn your brain off. To help, keep a note in your phone or have a list available where you write down all your stray thoughts. Knowing where you can access this information will free up space to stop ruminating and be present. 

Relax Together 

For over-achievers in a relationship, chances are you’re both feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities. It’ll take time to turn the pleasure centers in your brain back on so you can really relax and enjoy intimacy, but why not make that a goal together? Shower together, go for a walk and hold hands, give each other a massage, play a boardgame, or listen to audio erotica if you’re feeling spicy.