You’re out to lunch with co-workers and when the server runs your card, they whisper politely that your card was declined. “Can you run it again?” You hesitantly ask. Your card is declined again. “The bank must have made a mistake,” you say, genuinely embarrassed. Then a flash of you, drunk, fills your head reminding you exactly what you spent that last $100 in your account on. It had barely covered Tuesday night’s drinks and your midnight pizza order right after.

Does this sound familiar? This was me well into my early 30’s. Every time I had to check my account balance, my anxiety felt crippling. Even the word “finances” would trigger memories of my parents fighting, and helped perpetuate the image that I had of money being evil.

Up until 4 years ago, I, like many women, had a fraught relationship with money. I worked all the time but there never seemed to be enough money coming in. I’ve been working, usually multiple jobs, since I turned 14. Money was always being earned, but what I lacked was smart money practices and the financial literacy that helped me make responsible decisions.

Four years ago, my partner and I decided to deep dive into Dave Ramsey (it is NOT for everyone!) and we started developing smarter practices — our financial literacy and confidence skyrocketed. It was really uncomfortable for the first year but we knew it would be worth it.

Today we’re debt-free, we have a healthy savings account, and when we want to travel or order takeout, we don’t have to check our account before taking the plunge. Here are the ways I changed my outlook with money:

1. Have a money mindset. Do you have limiting thoughts and beliefs about money? If you’re like me you didn’t even realize that your thoughts were sabotaging your actions. I truly believed that my desire for money was selfish. Of course, I never made it big- I was blocking my own financial future. Many of us have been raised to live in fear of money; fear of not having enough, fear of losing it, fear of making too much and becoming consumed by it. It’s time to take back your power and see money for what it is, an exchange of energy. Stop focusing on all the things you’re losing out on by “not having enough” and start to focus on the possibility. Make a list of all the ways that financial abundance would bless your life. Post that list on your bathroom mirror. If you can’t think of anything to put on your list, simply write a Post-It with Jen Sincero’s mantra: “I love money and money loves me.”
2. Put aside time for intimate moments… with your finances. Light a seductive candle, pour yourself a glass of wine, hit your LastPass tab with fervor on your banking app: know where you stand with your finances on a personal level. Pull your statements for the past 6 months and get comfy. What are you spending your hard-earned cash on? Those recurring charges on that app that you’re not using or that box subscription that you don’t even like? Cancel them. You spent how much on takeout last month? Is that really a double charge? Be honest with what you NEED versus what you can do without and, BAM! You’re one step closer to freedom.
3. Receive money with gratitude and celebrate your wins. Any time money comes your way, celebrate it! When I find a dollar on the sidewalk I tell the universe, “I am a money magnet!” When I reach a financial goal, I celebrate big (hello, new boots I’ve been coveting for months). When I send the universe messages of gratitude about my finances I am rewarded with abundance. Focus on the joy financial abundance brings and your life will change (for the better) when you come into that money.
4. Change the language you use around your finances. Whether money excites you or makes you cringe, you’re in this relationship ’til the end. Treat your finances with respect and stop talking smack about them to their face (consciously) and behind their back (unconsciously). The language we use around managing money matters. Eliminating language like “the stock market is too confusing” or “I’ll never get out of debt!” Negative language and phrasing around money keeps you in a negative headspace and often reinforces our beliefs that it can’t be done. Positive language and phrasing opens up opportunities and leads us to positive action.

Money isn’t something to control our lives, it’s a tool that we can use to achieve financial freedom. Money can’t buy happiness, but not having to check your bank account when you want to have a girl’s night out at your favorite restaurant sure does make life a lot more enjoyable.