How to have tough conversations
Tough conversations are part of entrepreneurship. Here’s how to handle them with empathy, clarity, and confidence to drive positive outcomes.

ICON/REFINED

November 12, 2024

As an entrepreneur, you’re no stranger to tough decisions. Whether it’s firing someone, giving a harsh performance review, or telling a supplier there’s a major problem with their delivery, you will inevitably face moments where difficult conversations are a must.

These conversations can feel like walking a tightrope—balancing honesty with compassion, firmness with understanding. But here’s the good news: While these talks are never easy, they don’t have to be feared. In fact, handled well, they can strengthen relationships, clarify expectations, and set you and your business up for success.

So, how do you approach the tough talks with confidence and grace? Here’s a roadmap to help you navigate those difficult discussions without losing your cool or your integrity.

 

1. Get Clear on Your Purpose (and Take a Deep Breath)

Before you dive in, take a step back and really think about the outcome you want from the conversation. What is your goal? Are you trying to resolve an issue, set a new boundary, or give feedback? The more clarity you have on why you’re having the conversation, the easier it will be to stay focused.

  • Know what you want to achieve: Whether it’s letting someone go, providing constructive feedback, or addressing a supplier’s delay, make sure you can clearly articulate the issue and the resolution you want.
  • Take a moment to breathe: Difficult conversations stir up emotions—yours and theirs. Pausing to center yourself before starting will help you stay calm, even if the conversation takes a turn you weren’t expecting.

For example, if you’re about to fire an employee, you might need to remind yourself that while the conversation is tough, it’s ultimately a business decision that will benefit both parties in the long run.

 

2. Choose the Right Setting (and Make It Comfortable)

The environment can make or break a difficult conversation. Imagine trying to fire someone in a crowded coffee shop or having a tense conversation with a supplier while people are buzzing around you. It’s distracting and uncomfortable for everyone involved.

  • Keep it private: Whether you’re giving feedback or addressing an issue, the conversation should be in a private, quiet setting. You want the other person to feel like they can speak freely without the fear of being judged by onlookers.
  • Make it neutral: If you’re firing an employee or giving a tough performance review, a neutral setting—like a conference room or an office that isn’t too personal—can help set the right tone.
  • Avoid distractions: Silence your phone, close your laptop, and put away any other distractions. Giving your full attention to the conversation will show that you respect the other person and take the matter seriously.

Creating a safe space can help everyone feel heard, even if the topic at hand is a difficult one.

 

3. Be Honest, But with Empathy

It’s tempting to sugarcoat bad news, but the truth is, honesty is always the best policy. That said, you don’t have to be blunt or harsh. There’s a way to deliver difficult news that’s direct, while still showing empathy for the other person’s feelings.

  • Be clear, but kind: If you’re firing someone or giving a negative performance review, get to the point, but soften the delivery with compassion. Acknowledge the person’s efforts, and make sure they know you value their contributions, even if the outcome is difficult.

Example:
“I want to start by saying I appreciate the hard work you’ve put in. That said, after reviewing your performance, we’ve realized there are some critical areas where we’re not seeing the improvement we had hoped for. As a result, I’ve made the decision to part ways today.”

  • Avoid personal attacks: Stick to the facts and focus on behaviors, actions, or results rather than making it about the person. This keeps the conversation productive and helps prevent defensiveness.

 

4. Don’t Forget to Listen 

As tempting as it might be to just unload your concerns, remember: a conversation is meant to be a dialogue, not a monologue. After you’ve shared your thoughts, give the other person space to respond. They might have insights, emotions, or reactions you didn’t anticipate.

  • Let them talk: Whether they’re upset or have a different perspective, give them time to process and share their side. Sometimes just listening is the best way to diffuse tension.
  • Empathize with their feelings: If they’re angry, disappointed, or confused, acknowledge their emotions. You don’t have to agree with them, but showing understanding helps build rapport and shows that you care.

Example:
“I can see that you’re frustrated, and I completely understand why. Let’s talk through what’s going on and see if we can find a solution together.”

Active listening is one of the most powerful tools you have for turning a difficult conversation into a productive one. It shows respect and helps maintain the relationship.

 

5. Keep Your Cool 

There’s no doubt that difficult conversations can stir up emotions—yours and theirs. You might find yourself getting frustrated, or they might get defensive. The key is to stay calm and not let emotions derail the conversation.

  • Stay calm, even if they don’t: Keep your tone measured and your body language neutral. If the other person starts to get upset, resist the urge to escalate. Instead, maintain a steady tone and remind them that you’re working toward a resolution.
  • Take a break if necessary: If things start to get too tense, it’s okay to take a breather. Sometimes a short pause can help everyone reset and approach the conversation with a clearer head.

By staying composed, you can set the tone for a more constructive and less confrontational conversation.

 

6. Offer Solutions, Not Just Problems

A difficult conversation is only valuable if it leads to a resolution. Whether it’s addressing poor performance, correcting a mistake, or dealing with a broken agreement, you want to walk away with a clear plan for moving forward.

  • Provide actionable feedback: If someone’s performance is lacking, don’t just point out the problem—offer solutions. Whether it’s additional training, clearer expectations, or more frequent check-ins, make sure there’s a path forward.

Example:
“I know you’ve been struggling with meeting deadlines. Here’s what we can do: We’ll set up a system to track progress, and I’ll check in with you weekly to offer support. Let’s aim to improve by [specific goal].”

  • Collaborate on a solution: When dealing with suppliers or partners, work together to find a way to fix the issue. Whether it’s renegotiating timelines or improving communication, coming up with a solution together strengthens the relationship.

Example:
“We’ve had some issues with the recent shipment delays. What can we do together to ensure that doesn’t happen again? Can we adjust the timeline or perhaps improve our process for better tracking?”

 

7. Follow Up 

Once the conversation is over, don’t just let it fade away. Follow up to make sure any agreed-upon actions are being carried out. This shows accountability on both sides and ensures that the situation is being handled properly.

  • Check in regularly: If you’ve discussed performance improvements, set a date for a follow-up meeting. If you’ve made a deal with a supplier, confirm the new terms and make sure they’re sticking to them.
  • Be proactive: Don’t wait for problems to resurface—check in before they do. This demonstrates leadership and commitment to continuous improvement.

 

8. Reflect and Learn

Once the dust settles, take a moment to reflect on the conversation. What went well? What could you improve next time? Every difficult conversation is an opportunity to refine your communication skills and become a better leader.

 


 

Tough conversations are a natural part of being an entrepreneur. They’re never going to be easy, but they don’t have to be feared. By approaching them with empathy, clarity, and a willingness to listen, you can navigate these situations with confidence and professionalism.

Remember, these conversations are more than just problem-solving opportunities—they’re chances to strengthen relationships, set clear expectations, and lead with integrity. With practice, you’ll find that even the toughest talks can be a stepping stone to greater success for both you and your business.

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