What happens when you hear the word “no?” Do your muscles stiffen like cement? Does a lump crawl into your throat as you choke back tears? Do you feel defeated, rejected, angry, or upset? Take inventory of what senses bubble to the surface as you reflect on hearing “no.”

Now, take a moment to realize that “no” is a word. Your reception, perception, and next actions are entirely under your locus of control! Consider that “no” can be a great word if you allow it to be. How could we possibly transform “no” to a positive and exciting word, received with acceptance, possibility, and even love?

Start by considering that “no” means “not right now.” For example, if you asked your parents if you could drive the car when you were 10 years old, the answer was probably “no.” Chances are you drove their car when you were older though. Perhaps your kids asked you if they could have ice cream at breakfast. You might have said “no,” yet let them have ice cream at dinner. “No” often means that the timing of what you are offering simply doesn’t match the current perceived need.

Next, dissociate “no” from your own person. Most of the time, people have no intention of personally rejecting you. Remember that “no” is one person’s perspective at a singular point in time. People are so caught up in their own thoughts and chaos, they often respond to what they see in one moment without even thinking about you as a person. Reflect on a time when someone brought a treat to share at a gathering. They might have put a great deal of effort into preparing that treat. When they shared it with you, you simply said “no thank you.” You had no intention of a personal rejection; you simply did not like pineapple, pistachio, or whatever the ingredients were.

Next, when you hear “no,” ask what you can learn. Sometimes this ask is introspective, and sometimes, you can actually ask the person that responded with “no” for feedback. This feedback can be pivotal to your next steps and career. This is where the real transformational opportunity to LOVE “no” buds. I recall getting to the final round of interviews for what seemed like my dream job. I wasn’t selected, but the head of the search committee was kind enough to call me and let me know that I had not been chosen. I asked him if he would provide me feedback on what I could do to develop into the ideal candidate should a future similar position open. His feedback guided my next three years of volunteer work. That volunteerism resulted in a peer-reviewed journal publication, an unparalleled learning experience, and an even better job offer from a different organization 3 years later. That “no,” followed by my ask created the gift of feedback showed me how to align my time and energy with purpose and passion.

Finally, being a busy entrepreneur, if you like to please others, you may be a “yes” person. You might be the one that people can count on all the time, for everything. What would happen if you break up with “yes?” How freeing will it be when you give others the gift of “no?” How many new relationships will you deepen if the recipient asks you for feedback? How much of your own energy will you retain to pour forward in your purpose and service?

Reflect for a moment. Next time you hear “no,” pause instead of assuming or reacting. In your pause, recall that “no,” means “not right now.” Then become inquisitive. Depending on the situation, it might be more internally reflective, or externally communicative. Ask for the gift of feedback. Discover why the timing might not be right. See what you can learn, how the relationship can deepen, what new journeys you might explore, and how you can embrace the love of what follows. Then take it one step further to present others with this opportunity too. It’s time we fall in love with “no.”